Confessions of a Bad Dad - Warning Labels

Forgive me Blogger, for I have sinned. It's been five days since my last confession.

Baby products have lots of warning labels on them - more labels than I've noticed on any other consumer product, except maybe Accutane.

I guess it's a good thing my acne-ridden brother never got a girl pregnant in high school, his kid would have looked like an alien.

So anyways, we've got a number of baby products here with all sorts of fun warnings on them - which I categorically ignore. Such as:

Bumbo

Warnings (they were all in all caps):

"NEVER USE ON A RAISED SURFACE" - Do tables count?
"NEVER USE AS A CAR SEAT OR BATH SEAT" - What about a seat in the bath?
"NEVER LEAVE YOUR BABY UNATTENDED AS THE SEAT IS NOT DESIGNED TO BE TOTALLY RESTRICTIVE AND MAY NOT PREVENT RELEASE OF YOUR BABY IN THE EVENT OF VIGOROUS MOVEMENT" - Yeah... Learned that one the hard way.

Boppy

Warnings:
"Read before each use" - Yeah right. It's a freaking pillow, not the launch sequence for a missile.
"Never, ever allow baby to fall asleep on the Boppy pillow" - Seriously? That's the whole point.
"Do not use for sleeping" - Again, seriously? If they didn't want him to sleep on it, why make it so darn comfortable?
"Do not use in crib, cradle, bassinet, playpen, play yard or bed" - Yeah, who would want to use a pillow on a bed?
"Use only on floor" - I guess that's the only place left to use it... that or a table
"Do not leave baby unattended" - The entire point of the baby napping is so that you can finally leave him unattended. Dads need to poo, too.

Car Seat
 
 

Warnings:
"NEVER leave child in carrier when straps are loose or undone" - Then how can we play our favorite game? Sit-the-baby-in-the-seat-and-see-how-long-it-takes-him-to-climb/fall-out is fun for everyone.
"Always stay within arms reach whenever carrier is not on floor/ground" - Like, in the car? This seems to openly conflict with the warning not to put the child in the front seat. I can't reach him if he's in the back...
"Never leave child unattended" - Again with this? My only moments of sanity are when he's unattended. I love unattending him.