Friday, March 9, 2012

Shampoo is Better

If you can't tell, I'm still procrastinating on my big paper.

So what's the deal with shampoo and conditioner bottles? Seems to me, the most important word on those bottles is "shampoo," or, in the alternative, "conditioner." Well if it's most important why is it always the smallest? Every hair product bottle I've come across is labeled something like:

Pantene Pro V
Moisturizing and Straightening for Oily Hair
Hypo-allergenic/All Natural
Mango/Guava scented
Conditioner

The worst is when you're at a hotel or staying with a friend, so you're in a foreign shower. Now you're trying to curve your body away from the all-too-hot shower stream (since you're unfamiliar with the knob-temperature ratios), while still maintaining a safe distance between your body and those weird hairs on the wall, peering through the mist, squinting through the tears from having strange soap in your eyes, looking for the word "shampoo" in 4 point font.

Why are government leaders arguing about global warming and gas prices when we haven't addressed this yet? Especially since this can be solved so easily. HR Bill 250-2 - The shortest piece of legislation ever penned:

"From this day forward, all bottles containing shampoo must be blue in color and all bottles containing conditioner must be yellow in color. Pert Plus may remain green. Penalty for violation of this statute is death."

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Alive

I'm still here. So is baby.

The last few months have been pretty uneventful. I'm finally in my last semester of school, which would be awesome except that I have a big paper to write and I can't find the motivation to start. I've finished all my Words With Friends games and have had my wife change my Facebook password, so I have eliminated a few distractions. I've done a lot of research and I've got a good outline - it's just the motivation to actually start writing the paper which eludes me.

We're the apartment managers of the complex where we live. It's full of single guys, and we're the "show apartment" for potential tenants who want to see what the units look like. Often these guys will ask about the singles ward, which admittedly, we know nothing about. Hoping to solve that problem, my friend and I created a website which allows students to rate their singles wards and provide information about them online. After many months of work (mostly by my friend), the site is up and running. http://ratemysinglesward.com. Now I am tasked with marketing this baby and getting some users/visitors. So I have that to distract me from writing this paper.

I've also been working for an attorney in Salt Lake on a lawsuit he's filing in Washington State. It's a pretty boring contract dispute, but he pays me to work on it from the comfort of my couch, so who am I to complain? Now that we've finished the initial pleadings, I've been given Special Power of Attorney to contact various government agencies to see that the person we're suing is subjected to criminal prosecution for falsifying information on various loan applications. So there's another distraction.

Finally there's my walking/talking 2 foot tall poop monster distraction. Baby continues to grow and develop like babies should. Since we're moving across the country later this year, we've been slowly going through many of our belongings, deciding which things we need to keep and which things we can get rid of. The other day, we had a sack full of unwanted items on the floor when baby pulled out a wine glass. Hearing his actions and sensing trouble, I started running towards him to get the glass. As soon as he saw me he smiled the most devilish grin imaginable and threw the glass on the floor at my feet, shattering it into a thousand pieces. He can be a turd like that. Speaking of turds, baby is pulling on my pant leg yelling "nee nee," which means it's time to change a stinky diaper.