1 - Baby usually wakes up around 6 or 7 in the morning and I bring him back to the bed for breakfast. After the wife finishes feeding him, we are both too exhausted to take him back to the crib, so we allow him to sleep between us. "Between us" usually turns into "underneath me." The kid always ends up on my side of the bed, no matter where he starts. The wife says it's because I weigh more than her, so he just naturally falls into me. I think she's secretly pushing him to my side.
2 - Last night I was using the restroom (#1) with the door open (wife's pet peeve) when all of a sudden I hear baby heading my way. So I'm standing there, doing my thing, when baby crawls between my legs and lifts himself up on the lid of the toilet bowl and starts looking in. He must've been fascinated by the bubbles. Well this is a pretty awkward situation for me, as I'm coming to the end of my flow, and trying desperately not to pee all over my firstborn's head. With a few deft maneuvers, I was able to wrap things up mostly without incident. I think I may have inadvertently sprinkled him a little, but he's doing fine today. I guess I should listen to my wife and close the door. Or get a urinal.
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