A New Olympic Event

Wife and I have been watching the Winter Olympics a lot lately, which has been a complicated process considering we don't have cable and TV antennae don't work well in a city of high buildings.

Olympic athletes are as diverse as their sports. Some Olympic events demand a life time of training in order for a participant to compete at the highest levels. Skiers and ice skaters in the Olympics have practiced for decades to hone their skills. Other events don't seem to require the same dedication. The skeleton and luge, for instance, seem to be events that anyone off the street could compete in. In the words of the great Jerry Seinfeld:

"The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, 'Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!' Once you put that helmet on them, 'You're in the luge, buddy!' 'aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA...aaaAAAAA...' World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge."

Furthermore, it doesn't seem like any special training goes into preparing for the luge. You just need to be a reasonably fit person that likes sledding and looks good in Lycra. 

Speaking of the sledding events, the skeleton is basically the luge where the person rolls over and goes backwards down the hill, right? Luge is feet forward, chest up. Skeleton is head forward, chest down. What about the other options?

I propose the following two new Olympic events:

Corpse - The "athlete" lies on the sled, chest up, head forward, and pulls himself down the hill by clawing at the sides of the track.

Sleep - The "athlete" lies on the sled, chest down, feet forward and someone pushes him down the hill.

Sleepy Sprints

Now that we have two kids sleeping in the same room, we're justifiably scared to death that one of them will awake in the night crying, and that he will in turn wake up his brother. So at the first feeble cry of either child, one of us (usually me) runs into the bedroom as fast as possible to calm the storm in its infancy. I don't know if you've ever gone from dead asleep to running full speed in less than a second, but after a while it messes with you. 

Super Bowl Child Naming Rights

As you may or may not remember, my wife has a slight problem with the Super Bowl, so I usually find somewhere else to watch it. Last year my super bowl viewing plans fell through and at the last minute I was forced to strike a deal with the devil. My wife was pregnant with our second child at the time, and I traded her the baby's naming rights for the opportunity to watch the game guilt-free in my own home. She had a name that she really liked, and though I wasn't crazy about it, I hadn't been able to think of anything better.

So that's the story I get to tell when anyone asks how baby #2 got his name. It was well worth it - last year's Super Bowl was a great game.